I'm a Feminist & You Should be, too

Hi. My name is Jayme and I'm a feminist. 

("Hi, Jayme!") 

Now, before you get all bent outta shape because you think feminist is a dirty word, you should know that it's not. A feminist isn't a bra-burning, hairy-armpit-ed, man-hating lesbian.  That woman can be a feminist, but you don't have to be her to be a feminist. It's like how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. 

A feminist is, simply put, any person who wants equality between the genders, anyone who believes women should not be submissive and subservient to men. Anyone who wants to give women a choice and a voice.  

Being a feminist is embracing my womanhood without diminishing my husband's manhood (heh. That sounds funny).  Being a feminist isn't about woman being better than man, it's about equality, opportunity, and choice. It's allowing women the same rights and choices we allow men.  It's that I can be a doctor or a lawyer, if I want. Or I can be a stay-at-home mom if i want. It's about the freedom to do what I want and be who I want to be and allowing others the same choice. 

So really, should we all be feminists? 

Why I Hate the Boys You Like (in books and sometimes movies)

Oft times, especially during the craze of a new book or movie, I hear other girls gossiping in fond admiration over the latest dreamboat. And all I can do is shake my head, because I don't like that dreamy sweetheart at all. In fact, I find him a little creepy, not romantic at all. As y'all probably know, I don't like Edward (Twilight), Ky (Matched, Crossed), or the movie-version of Noah (The Notebook, but only at the beginning).


They're romantic and sappy, but come off a little creepy if not stalker-y. It's kind of like when the boy you like does something and it's cute, but if a boy who likes you, who you don't like, does it, it's just creepy! Case in point: before Cass (in between Cass?) there was a boy. Looking back, not my best choice. Anyway, one day, he sent me a good morning text. And it pissed me off. Later, with Cass? The occasional good morning text was pleasant.


They're (generally) written by girl authors who have yet to learn how to write like a man.


(Not all authors do this! JK Rowling. Jodi Picoult. Suzanne Collins.)


I understand, it's hard. So don't do it.


Because of this, they act like boys think the same way girls think.
Ex: "I want to cover the tree in her name like I would cover her hand with mine."
PUKE


I want a man -- not a girl in disguise. This makes me worry if maybe I won't like Jane Austen? But it's weird. I just find all these boys creepy! And the thing is, girls really like the boys like that in real life. Like the boys that tuck them into bed at night and give them a kiss on their forehead. Okay, I can see how that can be endearing. But it hits creepy when "he takes such good care of me!" means that you're not equals in your relationship. I get it. I like to be taken care of sometimes, too. But I also take care of Cass. We're adults and we're equals. And, most importantly, he doesn't watch me sleep at night. 


[also, can anyone tell me why there's a hundred spaces between each paragraph??]

Errors that Irk

Ya'll know how I'm a hater? 

Well, these are some of the errors that irk me!

~When people use apart when they mean a part.

Example: "I'm so glad you're apart of my life."

 [you're/your is also a problem, but eh]

~Over-correction of I instead of me.

Turns out that's not a picture of I with my friends.

~"Circus Ole"

Ya'll have hear it,

c'mon folks,

it's CIRQUE DE SOLEIL.

F'real.

~Possessive apostrophes used when the noun is merely plural.

I've seen this, in a classroom--

"Good reader's: predict, infer . . ."

~When of is used instead of have. 

I know it's a problem. We all say could've, would've, should've,

I've even been caught with couldn't've. I know that's bad. But this is worse.

"We could of had it all."

NO! Never! Please! Stop!

~And my last irking error, for today, is not really an error, 

but truly a problem nonetheless. 

It's this whole "good v well" problem.

If you answer that you're well when someone has already said they're good-

you sound stuck up.

And sometimes it just gets confusing when to say it. But still.

You're good at something.

But you're feeling well.

Which really gets into the bad/poorly problem. . . 

Well, folks. Thanks for stickin with me through today's rant.

And, yes, "stickin" was on purpose.

Sometimes I'm a hick.

But really, I hope I didn't make any errors in this post!

That would be embarrassing.

Why should I care more than you do?

My jobs are different, but they're very much the same. In both of my jobs, it is my responsibility to help my students to do better. At school, I help them with their work. And at dance, well, I help them to be better dancers. But I can only help them as much as they let me. They can have goals, but if they don't let me help them, they won't achieve their goals. If they don't accept my help, accept that I have been there, that I do, in fact, know what I am talking about, they won't make it. They can't do it alone. No one can. And I am learning, maybe the hard way, that I can't put in more effort than they do. They have to care, too. Sometimes, I think I care more than they do. And I really just can't do that anymore. Because then it hurts to much when they turn on me, make me the bad guy-- when they can't see that I am only looking out for them. I want my students, all of them, to do better. But some of them don't want that for themselves. Or, rather, they don't want to put in the work necessary. And then I just can't help them anymore.

Letter to Gavin DeGraw

Dearest Darlingest Gavin,
You know, I love your latest single: Not Over You. And you really do have a beautiful voice. But every single time I hear it, I get confused. At first I think you're singing that you can only see my beauty in your dreams because in real life I'm ugly. I'm only beautiful in your dreams. And that's kind of rude, ya know? And then, after a rather long pause, you continue to sing, saying "face, anymore." Because, it turns out, all you have is my picture and you're still not over me. It's just a really confusing pause and I really wonder who gave you the go-ahead for this song. Did that not come up between you and the music equivalent of an editor? Because it drives me crazy! 
Love, 
Jayme

Modest is Hottest

"I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder. - Emma Watson

I've seen this around on facebook the past few days, with the added caption of "Modest is Hottest" and it kind of drives me crazy.  She never said "Modest is Hottest" and is truly talking about something much different: being her own beautiful self.  This also reminded me of a subject I've been meaning to write about and haven't yet. So here we go.

Here's the thing: "Modest is Hottest" is a huge contradiction. 

mod·est  (mdst)

adj.

1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.

2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See Synonyms at shy¹.

3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.

4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms at plain.

5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation. (emphasis mine)

Hot
	1) Having extreme sexual attractiveness. (emphasis mine).

See? How can one be "unpretentious" or "not extreme" in any area while also "having extreme sexual attractiveness"? Modest, ergo, cannot be hottest! And in practice, aside from the linguistic contradiction, this is a problem. Women are told to dress modest to detract attention from males. But if we are hot, are we not attracting their attention as well? So we cover up to be modest and keep those easily swayed men at bay. And then, in being modest, we become the hottest, directly attracting the attention of those same men! What's a girl to do? How can you keep yourself from being a sexual object? For in being modest, you are hottest, which is directly correlated to being sexy and a sexual object of lust.

Another problem I see in this: only women are told "Modest is Hottest." If you were to see two teenagers walking down the street, both in shorts and a tank top, one a boy and one a girl, who is immodest? The girl. They're showing the same exact thing. 

In my experience, I have generally heard men, or boys, saying this phrase. Men are telling women what to do, how to dress, in order for men to find them "hot." Why do women have to dress for men? Can they not dress the way they want? Yes, sometimes covering up is much more sensual than a naked body. But that is something entirely different. There is a beauty to being yourself, that's what Emma Watson is talking about. Not that modest is hottest.  Yet now women are throwing around this phrase that their modest clothes are what makes them so hot. Clearly they are more righteous and more deserving of male attention.

I also have a problem with the young-ness of people bantering about this phrase. I know I was told it once in high school; we went to parent-teacher conferences (rather, my mom did and I went to the basketball game) after dance class and I was in a tank. The tightness of the tank and my dance pants were not the problem. My "undeniably sexy" shoulders were the problem. The boys were the first to say it, but an older sister of one of the boys also chimed in. I couldn't help but think she was jealous as she was a little overweight and I was at my prime. Couldn't they mind their own business? I was promptly given a shirt to wear. And I was wearing appropriate clothes for dance class. I was showing the same amount of skin, or less, than the girls we were watching play basketball. Where was I wrong?

"Modest is hottest" needs to be disbanded from our current jargon. It is a contradiction. It is harmful. And it is  relegates women to being consistently and solely sexual beings.  Aren't we done with that?

A Feminist and a Lady

Yeah, Yeah, it sounds like an opening for a joke . . . 

But really.  With all this feminism going around, I feel like the whole concept of being a lady is lost.  I can still be an independent woman, equal to men, and allow him to buy me dinner or open my door.  And is it not more gracious to allow men to help me? To be chivalrous? I feel like in striving for equality, women are trying to make men redundant or worthless, trying to completely replace them. I think we're forgetting that we want EQUAL, not better than, or else we're just reversing the prior roles and becoming hypocrites. It's also important to remember that we are equal in potential but if we don't take full advantage of this, then NO, we are NOT equal.  Yes, both you and your husband can go to law school and be lawyers.  But if he is an ECON major and you decided to get pregnant instead . . . yeah, he's smarter than you.  Sorry dude. But on the flip side, it's entirely your choice, and you have to own it. And you can't get upset if he get's a scholarship or better grades because he worked harder. but you can do that too!! We, as women, are just as capable as men, we just have to work for it, too! 

I also have this problem with the lack-of-personal-hygiene generally associated with Feminism. If there can be lipstick lesbians, can there not also be lipstick feminists? Can I not be attractive and independent? 

So this was kind of ramble-y but anyway, I think you can be a feminist and a lady!

Cultural Safari

This semester I am in a mandatory class of which I am not super fond. (I know it's awkward. But I just couldn't end my sentence with a preposition). This class is meant to "explore various traditional and indigenous cultures from around the world."  I think this is great.  I'm all about learning about other cultures. Until it starts to feel like you only have culture if you're brown. . . like white is regular and good and normal, brown is the other, bad, lesser, study-able. (Note: This is not the teacher's intention. I hope.) They say ethnic like it's a bad thing. It's not.  Everyone is ethnic.  Ethnic is defined as: pertaining to or characteristic of a people, especially a group (ethnic group)  sharing a common and distinctive culture, religion, language, or the like.

Ergo, everyone is ethnic.  And interesting article along these same lines, which we read in class, is "An Anthropologist Looks at Ballet as a Form of Ethnic Dance" by Joann Kealiinohomoku. I found it to be a rather interesting article.  And from her logic, all dance is ethnic dance, same as all people are ethnic people. ie Ballet isn't better because it originated in rich, white Europe. It rose out of the people and reflects the time in which it originated. And honestly, contemporary ballet is still fairly reflective of our culture. 

And yet, as we discussed this article in class, people were still having a problem with it. As far as I understood, they couldn't exactly say  what they had a problem with, either because they couldn't acknowledge it within themselves or couldn't bring themselves to admit it.  But I just felt like some of the girls legitimately thought -- and probably still think -- that Ballet is High Art and other dance, African, Polynesian, Folk, all the other forms we have studied in this class, are low art.  I thought we were over that. 

But that wasn't supposed to be the point of this post. The point was supposed to be about our Final Project: the Cultural Safari. In the syllabus the assignment is stated: "Students will venture into the local, regional, national, or international community to experience a cultural event which includes dance and music."  Great.  Okay. Except, yet again, this community or cultural event should be something different from us. Read: Brown. And we were assigned groups. It really was a good assignment in theory.  The Professor's intentions really were great. But I am seriously worried about presentations next week. This class has not shown itself to be very open minded. Some of the girls are great; they make the class bearable. And others are so ignorant that they don't even know that they're racist.